sketchclouds

I think I may be suffering from depression. It might be PMS or just some hormones, but I've been feeling horrid for way too long for that. Is it really strange to feel like I want to die? I mean, there isn't even a freaking valid reason to want to die. I just... I'm irritated and this world is a hopeless lackluster place. Heck, I've even taken those depression self-test things online. They all said I have moderate to severe depression. I am at risk of hurting myself. Yeah right. I'm not stupid enough to hurt myself. I love myself too much. But that would be a lie. I hate myself. I believe I should just disappear. I just can't do th

Okay. Today we had the selection for electives. Unlike all the other sections and students out there, pilot class has to vote on their elective. I WANT TO TAKE VISUAL ARTS. obviously. But noo... everyone wants to take CULINARY ARTS. Dang. Now, the only way i could take visual arts is by leaving the pilot class - with all the honors and privileges it has, and join the visual arts... I can't do that. I'm losing too much for just one subject. GAH. I really want it. But i cant have it. fuuu- This is depressing. How is a pilot class different from a regular one anyway? There is only one thing that keeps me holding on to it. Teachers are a hell

I really really felt like ranting. But it isn't really like ranting because I'm only saying one thing. Why the fuck do I keep torturing myself? I mean, i don't physically harm myself or anything. It's just that there are a lot of things I could do to spare myself from getting hurt emotionally. But i do none of that. In fact, I make it worse. I try to prove myself wrong and i end up becoming more depressed, more attached, and more disappointed than i ought to be. I'm so caught up on something i really want that i cant accept that it's already long gone. It's like anime. I used to draw inspiration from watching it. I still think i love it -